when there's no one to call for help
I was going to go to my badminton session when i realized that i couldn't turn on my motorcycle. And i had no idea why my best pal (i called him "item" = black) didn't answer my call. Those Thursday was one of few precious days when I should have been able to think about nothing. Friday and Saturday were marked red on the calender. I'll have my hospital duty in Sunday and so on. So, i thought about doing something which could lead me to stress-free condition. Working in a hospital, from dawn to nightfall is depressing, and one fact that more depressing is that you couldn't express your depression because you should looked "well" "okay" "dependable" "strong". When I was so sad, i looked around me, and at the end i would be grateful for i was luckier than my patients or their parents, how bad my condition was, at least i was a lot healthier and had less troubles than them.
That condition (and the fact that i am the eldest daughter among my family, and my parents getting older, and i guessed i finally grown up and realized those fact) build my character into a strong (at least looked strong) hard working independent person. Unless to my close friend i wouldn't ask for help, and if they reject it, i'll say that's okay and do the task by myself. It's not that i don't trust them, i just don't want to be a burden. It's better to give some help than be a troublesome person who can only ask for help. I hate being powerless.
And because i used to think like that, do everything by my own, people see me as an arrogant person. hahahahaaa.... If you know me, really know me, you"ll understand that i just a woman who unable to say "please help....".
And most of the time, i end up ruined myself. Well that's okay however, "no gain no pain". There's always a good lesson after every hard work. Not that i am bulletproof, i bleed when i fall, i cry when i can't hold the pain, i'm a woman and human after all. It's just that i can't ask.
And today, when si item is broken, and i asked for help but no one gives me a helping hand, I called the service center, and they asked me to come. When i argued that i have no one to take me there, they said "You must have some friends right, so ask one of them to bring you here." I open my contacts in my phone, scroll it, and couldn't find no one. Speechless...
Suddenly, i felt like, i have no friends. I mean the one who would be with me through the hard times. Most of the time, i spend my time enjoying the world with my friend. I keep thought about it on my way there, how lonely i am, how desperate my life is. hahaha... And the best song for that is BSB the song for the unloved. Terrible....
I know my Mom and Dad, out in another city love me very much. But here i am, alone in a city, fighting my own problem. I thought that i could cry, called my dad and asked him to come (i already said no when he offered me), but it would be burdensome. Thought about called my friends also, but they might be busy with their business. So, as always, i talked to my mind, saying "crying would make your heart better, but wouldn't end your problem so get up and think, act and solve it". And somehow, i find some people, which are helpful.
I'm the one who naively and would always naively think that everyone is a good person actually, even if they do a wrong things, God sees and writes and will do something about it. So, i shouldn't be afraid or angry or mad, just do good. And whenever i felt thankful to someone who help me I should feel more thankful to The One who arrange it for me. (That's words for myself who still unable to forgive a senior who sent me a harsh words despite i didn't know what's the exact problem is. I've tried my best to "serve" her, but she still talked bad about me. I hate the way she treated me. Well it's actually a common problem, when someone suddenly give me a cold manner. It's just, i fell when i could stand it anymore, just like any other human). Lesson learned!!!
Be good to others... giving is receiving... helping others is helping yourself.
I was going to go to my badminton session when i realized that i couldn't turn on my motorcycle. And i had no idea why my best pal (i called him "item" = black) didn't answer my call. Those Thursday was one of few precious days when I should have been able to think about nothing. Friday and Saturday were marked red on the calender. I'll have my hospital duty in Sunday and so on. So, i thought about doing something which could lead me to stress-free condition. Working in a hospital, from dawn to nightfall is depressing, and one fact that more depressing is that you couldn't express your depression because you should looked "well" "okay" "dependable" "strong". When I was so sad, i looked around me, and at the end i would be grateful for i was luckier than my patients or their parents, how bad my condition was, at least i was a lot healthier and had less troubles than them.
That condition (and the fact that i am the eldest daughter among my family, and my parents getting older, and i guessed i finally grown up and realized those fact) build my character into a strong (at least looked strong) hard working independent person. Unless to my close friend i wouldn't ask for help, and if they reject it, i'll say that's okay and do the task by myself. It's not that i don't trust them, i just don't want to be a burden. It's better to give some help than be a troublesome person who can only ask for help. I hate being powerless.
And because i used to think like that, do everything by my own, people see me as an arrogant person. hahahahaaa.... If you know me, really know me, you"ll understand that i just a woman who unable to say "please help....".
And most of the time, i end up ruined myself. Well that's okay however, "no gain no pain". There's always a good lesson after every hard work. Not that i am bulletproof, i bleed when i fall, i cry when i can't hold the pain, i'm a woman and human after all. It's just that i can't ask.
And today, when si item is broken, and i asked for help but no one gives me a helping hand, I called the service center, and they asked me to come. When i argued that i have no one to take me there, they said "You must have some friends right, so ask one of them to bring you here." I open my contacts in my phone, scroll it, and couldn't find no one. Speechless...
Suddenly, i felt like, i have no friends. I mean the one who would be with me through the hard times. Most of the time, i spend my time enjoying the world with my friend. I keep thought about it on my way there, how lonely i am, how desperate my life is. hahaha... And the best song for that is BSB the song for the unloved. Terrible....
I know my Mom and Dad, out in another city love me very much. But here i am, alone in a city, fighting my own problem. I thought that i could cry, called my dad and asked him to come (i already said no when he offered me), but it would be burdensome. Thought about called my friends also, but they might be busy with their business. So, as always, i talked to my mind, saying "crying would make your heart better, but wouldn't end your problem so get up and think, act and solve it". And somehow, i find some people, which are helpful.
I'm the one who naively and would always naively think that everyone is a good person actually, even if they do a wrong things, God sees and writes and will do something about it. So, i shouldn't be afraid or angry or mad, just do good. And whenever i felt thankful to someone who help me I should feel more thankful to The One who arrange it for me. (That's words for myself who still unable to forgive a senior who sent me a harsh words despite i didn't know what's the exact problem is. I've tried my best to "serve" her, but she still talked bad about me. I hate the way she treated me. Well it's actually a common problem, when someone suddenly give me a cold manner. It's just, i fell when i could stand it anymore, just like any other human). Lesson learned!!!
Be good to others... giving is receiving... helping others is helping yourself.
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